Why do we feel the need to judge ourselves when we do things for ourselves?
I haven’t yet figured out why, but I certainly know I do.
I don’t know about you, but I certainly feel guilty. Lazy. I’m almost ashamed when I do things for myself. Especially it is a regular thing.
For instance, I joined ninja writers in late October. By the time I won NaNoWriMo, I decided to use ninja writers to the fullest of my ability.
Full Time Work
I’m spending many hours a day doing so. It’s become a full-time job. And I feel like I’m being lazy. If I look at it with my analytical mind, I see that not everyone can do it. I “work” from home writing articles for medium, a book in my series, another book. Add to that, I’m taking several classes a week. Both online and watching the videos and doing the exercises off-line. Add to that reading books for several/ a few of the classes.
More Than Just a Job
Besides my “job” I’m a wife, a Lala (my grandma name) and a mom (to the 12 others who live in my home). And I am under a therapist’s care for depression.
Now I don’t know if it’s because of my depression, or something that is simply inside of me… Or perhaps it’s something that’s inherent in all women. Or maybe it’s even inside every single one of us. But no matter what, I think many of us feel the need to judge ourselves negatively when doing things for ourselves. When we practice that self care.
Why?
Why do we do this? Why do we beat ourselves up for sitting down and reading? Maybe vegging out and watching a movie? Maybe it’s taking a 30 minute nap (which, by the way, is an amazing way to recharge). Or how about that long soak in the shower? Or tub? When we know there is family, or others, wanting (needing?) our help.
Is it because we feel they need it? They often certainly say they need it. And they need it right now. Is it simply a matter of mindset? Perhaps all we need to do is make sure we know if they really do need something, in which case help them. If they only want our help, then perhaps they can wait while we take care of ourselves?
Practice
Perhaps we need to remember sometimes self-care is just like when you’re on an airplane. The flight attendant demonstrates what to do in case of an emergency. Parents are to take care of themselves first with the air mask, before finally applying their mask to their child.
If it makes sense on an airplane, if we are unconscious, how can we help our children? So it is too with our lives. If we don’t take care of ourselves, how we are we going to take care of our family? How can we be there for our friends?
Does it need to be a challenge?
I propose we all think really hard about why we resist self care. And be resolute in taking time to do something for ourselves. Read a book. Take a walk. Maybe a nice soaking shower or bath. Make something for you, not someone else. Every day. Even if it’s for only 10 minutes. You can do anything for 10 minutes a day.
